Trigger Warning: This entry includes themes of sexual assault. If you’re not in the right place to read this today, that’s okay. Please take care of yourself — there’s plenty else on my site waiting for you when you’re ready.
📓 DreamBook Entry #15 — Things They Thought I Wouldn’t Tell
Dear DreamBook,
I went around my whole life not knowing what to call it.
That awful twisted feeling in my chest.
That silence I kept carrying.
I just thought I was weird, dramatic, overreacting.
But it had a name.
And knowing that name doesn’t fix everything.
But it makes me feel less invisible.
Less alone.
So I’m going to say it now, the way I wish someone had said it to me:
What happened to you was real. And wrong. And it wasn’t your fault.
This is hard to write.
But I promised myself I’d tell the truth, even the parts that shake.
It started at the coffee shop.
I was 15. Maybe 16.
Too young to drive, too old to be protected like a child.
He was 38.
He started showing up a lot.
Smiling too long. Asking questions that made my skin feel like it didn’t fit.
And I didn’t know what to do because no one teaches you how to say “go away”
without sounding mean.
Or rude.
Or wrong.
And I didn’t want to be wrong.
Girls like me are taught to be polite, even to danger.
So I smiled awkwardly.
Looked at the floor.
Hoped he’d stop.
He didn’t.
Then he found me on MySpace.
Back when MySpace was everything —
He messaged me. Privately.
At first it was innocent. Jokes. Music. Flirting I didn’t understand.
But it got darker. Fast.
I didn’t know how the deep dark internet worked.
I was 15. He was in his late 20s.
I……… it is so messed up.
I didn’t know I was being groomed.
I didn’t even know that was a word.
More soon.
I need to take a breath. Maybe you do too.
– Me xoxo🕯️